Today there was an article about me self-publishing my book. When the reporter came over I was nervous, and I’m pretty sure I got a case of verbal diarrhea, because although I said a lot of things, I barely remember them. Things like that tend to happen when I’m nervous. I knew she was coming over so I should have been prepared, but I have two options to me in cases like this.
1.) Think about what to say.
2.) Don’t think about what to say.
You see the problem is, when I take option one, I end up twisting myself into a state of panic. I worry about things so much that in the end I want to back out of it. Believe me, this has happened many times. So although it may seem a strange approach, not thinking is serving me a little better.
The reporter was a very sweet girl. We simply sat on the couch and chatted. I talked so quickly she could barely keep up with writing the notes in her shorthand style. Once she left I stressed over the small bits of conversation I could remember, but I wasn’t even sure if the article would make it to the paper, so I put it out of my mind.
The next day the reporter brought back a photographer. Once again that flash of panic settled into the pit of my stomach, but I made the conscious decision just not to think about it. I know some of the people reading this may wonder what I had to be nervous about, and why I would feel panic, but this is part of me, and it always has been. My self confidence is simply not there, but I have the fortune/misfortune that my lack of confidence manifests in what looks like confidence.
When I woke this morning my Facebook and messages were filled with people congratulating me on the article. I quickly opened up The Southland Times on my phone and was filled with relief that it was a nice and complimentary report that concentrated on the self publishing aspect. I really never had anything to worry about, which is usually the case.
The thing that struck me most was the headline. DREAM COMES TRUE FOR AUTHOR. I looked at that headline, and even though those were words that had come out of my mouth, seeing them in print made me realise that they really were true. It had been my dream to become a writer ever since I developed a love of reading.
As I grew up I placed this dream in the same category as becoming a rock star or an astronaut. Nothing more than a dream. Something I would think about but knew I could never accomplish.
Life took over and even my love of reading waned. Then came along the Twilight Series. Yes, I know a lot of people hated the books, but a lot of people loved them. I was one of those people. I found myself up at 4am in the morning still flicking through pages, desperate to read more then so sad once I’d finished.
This love of Twilight made one of my dear friends sign up for a writing course taken by author Deb Brammer, and convinced me to sign up too. It was while taking this course, I realised my dream may not be that far fetched at all. It was also this course that introduced me to my writers group Southern Scribes.
Skip forward a few years and after many stops and starts, stressing and learning, I had a complete manuscript. My writers group encourage me to attempt self publishing and now seeing that article has reminded me that my dream has really come true.
I am an author. I have written a book and people have bought it (and even enjoyed it!)
I’m still caught up in marketing and trying to get my book out there, but I also need to take a breath and realise that the little girl’s dream of writing a book has come true.
To see the article click here.